WELCOME

The Grief Gallery

GRIEF AND LOSS EXPLORED THROUGH ART AND DESIGN

CURATOR, CHARLENE LAM

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EXHIBITION

She Was Asian-American

The Grief Gallery presents She Was Asian-American, originally launched during NYCxDESIGN, New York City’s annual design festival, and Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month in 2022.

This edition of The Grief Gallery features photographs, belongings and stories of Asian-American women, including curator Charlene Lam’s Chinese-American mother and other family members.

Young woman in suit jacket and dress, 1960s, seated in airport, nervously holding her purse and looking at the camera

Coming to America

This is my mom, coming to America from Hong Kong at the age of 15. She’s at the airport during a stopover in Canada, looking nervous and very ladylike.
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It strikes me profoundly how my mom immigrated to America as a teenager in the early 1960s and became a proud Chinese-American New Yorker, navigating many journeys and balancing many identities.

A Long Journey

If my mother was still alive today, she would be 75 years old. If she was still alive today, living in NYC, I’d be worrying about her being pushed or punched on the street.
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That’s the unfortunate reality of many Asian Americans, especially those in certain areas like NYC. Still. This has been the case for the last couple of years. Grief can be multilayered and complex, and it’s odd to have this bittersweet feeling of being grateful that my mom is “safe” in this respect.

American Girl

I look through my mom’s photo albums — the old-fashioned kind with sticky pages and a clear sheet of acetate on top that lifts up with a distinctive sound. These albums from her teens and early 20s have photos lovingly curated by my mother and carefully arranged on the page, sometimes in playful layouts.

I am struck by how “All American” some of these photos of my mom and her schoolfriends are: perched on a convertible, laughing outside her high school, standing on a sailboat. At the 1964 World’s Fair in New York — a highlight for her whole family and instrumental as an introduction to American culture.

Young Asian woman pictured with the 1964 World's Fair Unisphere in Queens, NY

My mom at the 1964 World’s Fair in Queens, NY with the Unisphere in the background.

Young Asian woman in dress standing next to Buick car 1960s

My mom’s after-school routine: Ironing with her siblings in the family’s Chinese laundry, NYC.

My mom Marilyn next to the family Buick in Queens, NY, 1967.

Items I Found in My Mother’s House

The Soy Sauce

After my mom died, I found myself standing in her kitchen, transfixed by a bottle of soy sauce. I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away.

Everytime I looked at it, the memories flooded in: Her love of food. Thanksgiving dinner at her house. The Chinese porridge she would make with the leftover turkey.

How was it possible that she would never cook again?

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The soy sauce on display here, photographed during my design residency at Toronto’s DesignTO Festival, was not THE soy sauce from my mother’s kitchen. I did finally throw that away, more than a year after my mom died, with assistance from my cousin Eva (I really couldn’t do it myself).

In Toronto, I bought a bottle of soy sauce at H Mart for The Grief Gallery’s exhibition, to represent my mom’s soy sauce and all the meaning attached to it. It was fascinating to see how immediately visitors “got it” especially visitors of Asian descent. They instantly recalled the soy sauce in their grandmother’s kitchen, their auntie’s cupboard: the dark soy sauce, the light soy sauce, the oyster sauce. A specific brand, a particular label. Depending on the culture, maybe it was a fish sauce rather than soy sauce. Or perhaps curry powder that was the ubiquitous ingredient that evoked memories of food, cooking and love.

The classic tomato pin cushion, possibly my grandma’s (my pau pau)

Vintage travel bag, possibly belonged to my great aunt (my yee pau)

The Grief Gallery at DesignTO: McDonald's Toy

One of many Hello Kitty-related McDonald’s toys, definitely my mom’s

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The Italian Wool Jacket

My mom saved up for fashion splurges like this white Italian wool jacket, actually part of a jacket and skirt suit. This was before she swapped the ladylike outfits for blue jeans and bohemian chic in the 1970s, and then blue jeans and sweatshirts in the 1980s. This particular suit must have meant a lot to her though, as she kept it through decades of moves from NYC to Germany, to China, to California, and finally back to NYC.

I was happy to rediscover it in the storage unit and model the jacket this January.

– Charlene Lam, curator of The Grief Gallery

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JOIN US LIVE

The Grief Gallery monthly gathering

Last Wednesday of every month at 2pm ET (NYC) / 7pm UK time

Register to Attend

Part of the Reimagine End of Life Event Calendar

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PREVIOUS EXHIBITIONS

The Grief Gallery in Toronto

Part of the DesignTO Festival in Toronto, Canada, January 2022

During Toronto’s annual design festival, The Grief Gallery welcomed visitors to acknowledge personal and collective losses through the contemplation and celebration of objects: the belongings of loved ones lost.

See Exhibition

WHAT THE CAMERA CAPTURES

Part of NYCxDESIGN, November 2021

An online exhibition exploring the role of the camera in processing grief and loss during New York City’s annual design festival. Three New York creatives who have lost loved ones share their photography-based projects.

See Exhibition

The Grief Gallery: Commissions

Part of the London Design Festival and Shoreditch Design Triangle, September 2021

Visitors are invited to explore these universal themes through creative work commissioned in memory of loved ones.

See Exhibition

OPEN CALL

Contribute to

The Grief Gallery’s Collection

Online

What objects and belongings did you keep after a loved one died?

Contribute your selected object and stories to The Grief Gallery’s online collection (ongoing).

Contribute to the Collection Online

CURATOR’S NOTE

Why a Grief Gallery?

When my mom died in 2013, I was working as an independent curator in London. My pop-up exhibitions showcased the work of designers, makers and artists, under the names Creative Clerkenwell and The Creative Edit.

When it came time to pick out an urn for my mom’s ashes, I commissioned a custom porcelain urn from an East London ceramicist whose work I loved.

That was the start of The Grief Gallery. Over the years, I’ve commissioned illustrations, paper art and photoshoots in memory of my mom and others’ loved ones. I’ve presented exhibitions in London and Brooklyn about grief and loss.

Channeling my grief into creating and commissioning work from designers and makers has been an incredibly rewarding and healing experience.

After an extended period of grief and loss on many levels, I invite visitors to explore the universal themes of grief and loss through this creative lens. Out of darkness and pain, we can craft beauty and create meaning.

– Charlene Lam, Curator and Founder, The Grief Gallery
hello@thegriefgallery.com